The Ren, Stimpy and Jazz Show
by Dat Salvadorean Chic
Summary: Ren and Stimpy adopt a daughter, but can Ren handle being a father to the girl?


The Ren, Stimpy and Jazz Show

Episode 1, Chapter 1

"Oh, joy! What a beauteous day! Look, Ren! Isn't it just lovely?" the tender cat exclaimed as he looked out the window of the room he and his chihuahua friend shared.

"Shattap. Eetz the weekend. I want to sleep longer, you eediot." Ren groaned as he hogged more of the blanket to himself to warm his scrawny body.

"Oh, come on, Ren." Stimpy said with glee, totally ignoring his friend's insult. "Where's your optimism?"

"You're such an eediot, I insult again." and the chihuahua dug his face into his pillow and groaned again.

"I must embrace this day! For I may never know if I would ever see a day! Of much as sunny,warm and lovely as this!"

"THEN GO AHEAD!" Ren yelled savagely. "Go hug the rainbows and such! I JUST WANT SOME PEACE AND QUIET!"

The tiny dog then kicked Stimpy out of the bedroom. After the cat made his impact, he giggled, blushed and said, "Okay, Ren! Thanks for the suggestion! Oh, joy!"

He walked out the door with such optimism that Ren so very much detested and skipped with a joyful expression.

Ren sighed in his pillow. "Finally... Peace and quiet... Oh, Stimpy... My idiot."

Stimpy walked down the sidewalk, embracing life as it is along with the birds twittering, people greeting. 'What a perfect morning!' Stimpy thought. 'I wish Ren could come and see the infinite beauty blanketed around us.'

Right then, he heard a small feminine voice cry out, "Please stop! PLEASE—! Oh! ... Oh, shoot... Got rejected again... Maybe the next car..."

Stimpy looked across the street where the voice came from and was surprised at what he saw.

The little happier was a petite female chihuahua; much smaller and obviously younger than Ren, which left the cat breathless. He never thought of a dog smaller than Ren. She had big chocolate brown eyes and white fur with brown spots. There was more brown on her right side of her body than her left, her right ear, arm and leg stained muddy brown. She also sported vibrant red hair that glistened fiery in the sun. Lastly, she wore small red-framed glasses and a black long-sleeved shirt. 'She looks adorable!' thought Stimpy.

But then he saw how ragged-looking she was. He frowned at the sight; her hair was tousled and messy, physique weak and tiny, eyes heavy and tired, clothes worn. "Oh, no! The poor thing!" Stimpy whispered to himself, then thought to himself, 'Maybe... I can help her...'

"What a great idea!" he said aloud. "I know what I must do!"

He ran across the street to meet the little chihuahua without looking both ways, obviously ecstatic and jovial.

The chihuahua no sooner saw him coming her way and had a worried look on her face.

"Um, sir." she said loudly. "Sir! Watch out!"

Stimpy looked to his right and saw a car revving towards him at full speed. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

The chihuahua gasped and averted her eyes to avoid seeing a gruesome aftermath. The car passed by like lightning, leaving behind the cat glued to the floor like a pancake.

The girl looked both ways of the street to reach Stimpy's side and gave him a worried look.

"Mister, are you okay?"

"Am I okay? I'm a cartoon!" Stimpy said with his optimistic voice.

The girl laughed. "Here, let me help you."

She grabbed ahold of Stimpy's pancake ears and pulled with all her might. Stimpy groaned at the powerful pull. The girl didn't feel like a box of chocolates either helping him out. Soon, Stimpy was in the clear like a sticker free from its adhesive.

"There you go, sir." the chihuahua said with a smile. "You ought to look before you go next time."

"Okay, let me write that down." Stimpy said as he took out a pen and wrote the reminder on his gloved palm. The girl giggled.

"Well, you're alright, so... Yeah." she said.

"I see you're alone. Don't you have any parents? Kids like you are not supposed to go out all alone, young lady." Stimpy said, waving a lecturing finger at the chihuahua.

The girl's smile disappeared then. "Well... You see, that's the reason I'm here. I'm, ah... I'm an orphan."

"Oh, you poor child! How old are you?"

"Sixteen."

"And so young!"

"Yeah, my parents; they were taken away from me... From the Big Sleep."

"SWEET LORD, NO."

"I'm afraid it is true. I left the pound to save myself. I've walked for miles to, Y'know, find something for me out there, but... After many rejections, I'm just left here."

Stimpy was left silent for a couple sentence before the girl continued, "But I'm sorry for telling you this sob-story and all. I know you're on your way for something."

"Wait!" Stimpy cried before the chihuahua could leave. She stopped. "How about... I can take you in?"

"Take me in? As in... What?" she asked with a confused look.

"I mean like—I can adopt you." Stimpy smiled.

She looked at him long and hard. "This isn't a joke, is it?"

"Oh, I'm great at jokes! But this is no joke!" the cat laughed. "You see, my best friend and I are close, but I think a daughter will bring us... CLOSER."

The girl made a thoughtful face, to which Stimpy didn't bother and let her take her time. She paced for a minute before she asked, "Who's this friend of yours?"

"Oh, he's like you! A chihuahua and his name's Ren! He's the greatest friend anyone could have!" Stimpy said happily.

"Huh... Okay. I mean, a new family willing to take me? Why not?" she smiled.

"OH JOOY!" Stimpy immediately grabbed the tiny dog into his arms and ran with her. All the girl could react to the sudden act was cross her eyes stupidly, for the fast action was processing in her head. "Oh, I was being rude! By the way, what's your name, little one?"

When the chihuahua was concentrated again, she answered, "Oh, it's Jazz, but my real name's—"

"OH, JAZZ. What a pretty name! Short for what?"

"My wannabe name, Jazmine."

"Oh, wait'll Ren sees you, Jazz!"

"I can't wait either."

Ren was at his comfortable couch reading the newspaper when he heard the sound of Stimpy's giggle coming from outside.

"What is the EE-diot doing now?" Ren mumbled as he folded and set aside his newspaper.

He approached the door when Stimpy slammed him against the wall with great joyous force. "GOOD MORNING, REN!"

He looked around puzzled, seeing Ren no where in sight.

"Is he here?" Jazz asked, still being carried by the cat.

"He should." he said. Then he looked behind him and moved the door. Ren was plastered on the wall, flat and injured. "Oh, hi, Ren! I see you did get up!"

With rage, Ren grabbed Stimpy's fat throat and bared his teeth. He unstuck himself from the wall and breathed heavily as he faced the stupid cat.

"YOOOOOOOOOUUUuuuuuuuu...!" Ren yelled with an ugly finger pointed at Stimpy's bulbous nose. "YOOOOOOUUUUU... EEEEEEEEEEEDIOT!"

"Ren, hush! Not in front of the kid!" Stimpy whimpered.

"Huh? What kid?!" Ren questioned him. Loosening his grip a tiny bit. Stimpy pointed behind Ren. He turned and saw a tiny female chihuahua. She waved awkwardly to him.

"Stimpy... What did we agree to on our retirement...?" Ren asked calmly.

"Umm... No strangers?"

"What else...?"

Stimpy thought again, his eyes crossed in concentration. A light bulb popped up. "Oh, I know! And no children either!"

"And what is THIS?" Ren gestured to Jazz.

"A kid?"

"Right, Stimpy. Which means..." he said quietly as he held Stimpy's ear gently.

"Uh huh?"

Ren slowly moved closer to Stimpy's ear and yelled, " SHE'S NOT WELCOME HERE!"

After the outburst made Stimpy aghast, he pleaded, "Come on, Ren! Be merciful! This young lady's been out there all alone without any parents!"

"Then where are the eediots...?"

"They're dead..." Jazz answered, again, awkwardly.

"Ah... Well, it's none of my business. You can't live here." Ren said without sympathy.

"Ren!"

"What I said is final!" the chihuahua yapped. "I won't let little crying girls into my possession!"

"Crying little girls?" an insulted Jazz retorted. "I can tell you, sir, that is not how I am."

"Yes, you are. You inferior children are all the same." Ren said as he rudefully patted Jazz's small head.

"I'm not a child! I'm sixteen!"

"At my age? ... Yeah, you're a child."

"No matter, I act more mature than you!"

Ren's pink eyes widened at her audacity to challenge him. "It is rude to talk like that, missy."

"So is beating up your best friend!"

"Well, he takes it as affection. He's stupid."

"Well, if I were in your place, I would be willing to take in a needy kid! Sending her out would be just... Mean and cruel!"

"You don't know me, do you?"

"UGH! You...!" she strained hard to contain her anger. "You IDIOT!"

Ren widened his bloodshot eyes at the girl. Stimpy frowned and covered his ears for the worst to come. The chihuahua thrust his chest forward, bared his teeth and raised his fist before Jazz. Jazz responded by closing her eyes for what's to come.

But all she felt was Ren grab her head and turn her to the staircase and patted her to go up. "There's a spare room up there. Just make it yourself and junk."

Jazz lowered her brows at the unexpected, invitation and stood at the staircase silently.

"Well, go on! Before I change my mind!" Ren commanded. Jazz ran up in a flash and was out of sight.

Ren faced Stimpy and sighed. "Don't ever bring another kid here AGAIN, Stimpy."

"What made you change your mind, Ren?"

Ren paused and crossed his arms. "She's got guts. Most girls are intimidated by my wrath, but this one; Jazz, is her name... She has guts."

"Oh... Right." Stimpy said, confused.

"I'm going to finish my paper."

"Ren, thank you for letting us keep her!"

"Yeah, yeah... Sure." the chihuahua said as he sat in his chair, already absorbed in his paper.

"Hey, Ren..." Stimpy snickered. "Who's gone be... The mom? And... Who's the dad?

"Of course, I'm the dad. You're whatever's left."

"Oh, joy!" the cat grinned. "I'm finally a mother! Jazz and I are gonna spend some quality time together!"

"That's nice, Stimpy." Ren mumbled. "But even if she calls me her dad, she's not my daughter."

"Aww, Ren, you're such a sourpuss!"

"Hey, I'm a Hoëk."


End file.
